There and Back
by ficdirectory
Summary: Garcia recovers from being shot. Alternate ending to Lucky/Penelope. **Nominated: Best Series in the 2010 Criminal Minds Fanfiction Awards at LiveJournal when it was a series**
1. Undercover

**Fill for CM Prompt Meme: Garcia is asked to go on an undercover mission. **

Garcia glances at her large calendar on her desk. It's Monday, November 6th, 2007. The wee hours of the morning. Though she should be at home, sleeping, she finds she cannot shake the words of the six separate people who have now come up to her, on their own, and begged her to do something about the crimes that took their loved ones away. The crimes that remain unsolved. All murder victims. All horrible losses. She feels each one as if it's her own. She wishes she could do something about this. But it's the last woman who approaches her who changes everything for Garcia. She has lost a son. A four-year-old boy.

That is all she needs to seriously consider going to the next level with these cases. Obviously tagging them as priority isn't doing it. So, Garcia decided to look into things a little further. What she finds was staggering. The same police officer was a first responder in three of the cases. What were the odds of that? Something funky is definitely going on.

Penelope stops. She has to think. She knows she has no business looking into these cases anyway. Hotch would suspend her or something for sure. She had to make her next moves carefully.

"What do you call the same cop who shows up as a first-responder in three of the same types of crimes?" she asks, once she has a tired Emily on the line. After thorough consideration, Penelope has decided to trust Emily on this. She needs a profiler's insight.

"It's a little late for riddles, Garcia…" Emily manages, her voice low and hoarse with sleep.

"A deputy sheriff, Jason Battle, was first on the scene of three eerily similar drive-by shootings. All at close range. All with a revolver - which just so happens to be the type of gun law enforcement wears…"

"What are you up to?" Emily asks, sounding more awake now.

"Something totally illegal, but I need your help. If you were profiling this kind of guy, what would your gut say?"

"Angel of Death. He's shooting them so he can try to save them and look like a hero to the people around him."

"Huh." Garcia says, nodding, and clicking back to a previous screen. "He's been honored twice as a hero… Listen, Emily. I need you and JJ to swear the most excellent promise ever. In the world. That you'll keep this on the DL until I have more information."

"You have my word."

She is up for many more hours and what she finds makes her stomach tighten with dread. After hacking into his home computer, she can see that Deputy Battle is so totally onto her. He'll completely have the upper hand.

Unless she can get to him first.

* * *

Garcia comes in early several days later. Once she's had the chance to get everything together. She finds JJ in her office and closes the door.

"I need a huge favor."

Maybe it's the fact that Garcia looks like a walking zombie. Maybe it's something else, but JJ is all ears and invites her to sit, even though she's looking at a seriously disturbing Florida case file.

"Anything," JJ says.

Garcia produces the three files from the night before and lays them out in front of JJ. "I need a crash course…in lying and deception…" Garcia says seriously. Because JJ is the best secret-keeper in their unit, Garcia confides what she knows. She tells JJ that Jason is completely onto her and unless she wants something seriously wrong happening, she has to take this to him. She needs to get proof of his involvement, before he strikes again.

"No one else can know…" Garcia reiterates. "Well, except Emily. I called her last night."

JJ nods and then they calmly retrieve Emily. JJ has endless skills in the art of lying, and Emily knows how to read people quickly and efficiently. After a super-quick lesson in body language, tells and the art of believing your own lie whole-heartedly, Garcia knows she has no more time. JJ's going to present the case to the team in twenty minutes. That gives Garcia just enough time to duck out and go to her favorite coffee shop.

* * *

She should have been prepared to see him sitting at a table, feigning frustration with his frozen laptop, but she finds she isn't. He's much more handsome in person, which makes the lying easier. She walks by him, coffee in hand and casually offers that she has a polo mallet in her trunk if he wants to use that on his stubborn computer. Then he looks at her, and her entire world stops. He is, by far, the handsomest man she has seen in a month of Sundays, as Derek would say.

They talk briefly. She makes quick work of fixing what's wrong. Garcia knows without confirmation that Jason Battle broke the laptop himself to engineer a chance encounter between them. She holds her tongue though, and then excuses herself. She now has five minutes to get back to work. He introduces himself as James, and gives her his card. She pretends to be smitten, which isn't hard, because he's so smoking hot.

That's the beginning. He calls while she's working the Florida case and she momentarily panics, faking illness to get out of his dinner-date invitation. What the heck would she do on a date with a psycho like that?

She gets Emily on the line in the middle of the case. Things have been tense between Garcia and Derek since he found out about Mr. Creepy, and Garcia had to pretend to be all into him. Emily asks what's up, and it's the perfect opportunity for Garcia to let Emily know that she had seen their mystery man earlier that day.

"I met this guy at the coffee shop I go to every day…" she says, trailing off.

"Right. Got it," Emily nods and hangs up. But in seconds, a text comes to Garcia's personal cell.

_Are you going to go out with him? _

_No_, Garcia responds, letting Emily know that she had freaked out and left him hanging.

_You should! It'd be a great opportunity. Wait for JJ and I to get off work, and we'll help you get ready._

Garcia gets what Emily isn't saying. It's the biggest chance she'll have to gather information on him. She knows she should wait. But she also knows how important it is to not bruise a crazy's ego. This is why she doesn't wait for Emily and JJ.

She digs his number out of the trash and calls him back, confirming their date, and sealing her outcome, whatever that might turn out to be.

* * *

The date is a blur. Mind-games are afoot. The trick is, not letting him know that she is completely onto him. He is pumping her for information just as she is. He is a sneaky little rat, but Garcia is determined to be sneakier, asking about his background, where he went to school, and other mundane things to ease him into the real stuff.

She wired herself with a mic and old school tape recorder. They are both hidden beneath her gold blazer. She is just waiting for something she can use. So far, though, he is keeping a low profile. Showing off this totally tacky, knockoff watch that he wants her to believe is real. She tries to pay attention to where she is. If it says anything about him. When he asks her about her work at Quantico, she returns similar questions, feigning the get-to-know you game that new couples play on dates. He gives up a little but not enough. She hates him with a visceral whole-body kind of hate. There is a point during their discussion that she is sure he is onto her. She excuses herself to go to the ladies room. She removes the tape recorder and the microphone. She smashes both under the heel of her shoe. Then, she throws them in the more personal restroom trash - where no one is likely to voluntarily search. She puts it at the very bottom after she deems it unusable and sufficiently repulsive.

They are walking back up to her place and the wheels in Garcia's head are turning like crazy. What she needs is a second date with him. What had JJ said? Something about the difference between inherent trust and building trust? She is on her way to initiating that when he leans in to kiss her, and at the last minute, he bails. Thank God. Kissing him would be totally disgusting.

He walks away. So does she.

"Hey, Garcia?" he says, a smile on that beautiful, twisted, sick face of his.

She turns. "Yeah?"

He says something but she can't make it out. Her eyes are focused on his hand, which has disappeared at his waist. Before she can react, he has drawn his weapon on her.

Before she can do anything, he pulls the trigger.

And all she can think is that this is not how this was supposed to go. She was supposed to figure him out. She was supposed to do this. For her friends at the victim's support group, and for herself. All she can think is how much this hurts, and that he has done this before. He has done this to a child. He has done this and more, for such a long time.

All this, and for what? Has it been worth it?

Footsteps.

She holds her breath as he comes back to lean over her. Finally, he leaves.

Finally, she lets go.


	2. Finding Out

**Fill for the CM Prompt Meme: JJ and Emily's individual reactions to the call about Garcia being shot in Penelope. **

"Are you trying to make me look bad by staying here later than me?" The words are out of JJ's mouth before she can register the grave look on Hotch's face.

"JJ…" he says. And just like that, she knows. Something's wrong.

"What is it?" she asks, preparing herself mentally for whatever it could be. She tells herself nothing could be worse than the case they came back from. The cannibalistic serial killer in Florida.

But, she finds, nothing prepares her for what comes next. Nothing prepares her to hear the words, "Garcia's been shot."

JJ goes hot and cold all over. She knows without knowing that it has to do with the secret she, Emily and Garcia are all keeping. That it has to do with the cases Garcia has been looking into. He was onto her. But she had also been doing her own detective work and figured it out. Emily said Garcia might be going on a date with him. Undercover.

Without another word, JJ leaves the BAU. She heads to the closest hospital, knowing that's where Garcia's been taken. And then she waits. She regrets going along with Garcia's suggestion. She wishes they had done something differently. Anything. But it won't do any good to think of the what ifs. So instead, JJ hopes, feeling sick inside.

When Emily arrives, JJ is already here in the hospital waiting room. One look at her and Emily knows what she suspected is true. The date she encouraged Garcia to go on has ended in this.

They sit side by side, not speaking. Emily finds JJ's wrist - her pulse beating fast there - and then her hand. They look at each other, each knowing they all must keep quiet. They will do all they can to lead the team in the direction of Deputy Battle, but they won't say a word about what they know.

As long as he is still out there, Garcia's life is still at risk.

The doctor comes and says the news is good. She could walk out of here in a few days. But that's before she slips into a coma.

It's impossible to know when, or if, Garcia will wake up.

Or if she will even remember the secret they are keeping.

The thought is in Emily's head before she can stop it:

The less Garcia remembers about her involvement, the better.


	3. Waking Up

"Not knowing when the dawn will come, I open every door."  
- Emily Dickinson

Waking up from a coma isn't what they make it out to be on TV. It's slow. It hurts. Nothing makes sense. The only comfort comes when you close your eyes.

Sometimes, she is aware of people, and sometimes she isn't. Her parents aren't here. She has no other family. In these moments, coworkers take the place of family.

Rossi is like her grandfather. His hand feels warm and deeply creased. And he talks to her about pheasant hunting with his black lab. He says Kevin misses her, and she wonders who that is. He calls her kiddo, and tells her to fight, but she's never been a fan of fighting, and she was always picked last for teams.

Hotch reminds her of her step dad. Kind of stoic and calm. When she thinks of work - the attack coming back in snatches - she can remember him stressing her out. Because he has too much intensity. But now, he's like that calm place right in the center of a storm. He doesn't touch her, but he tells her things. Things that she is pretty sure he doesn't tell anyone else. How Jack is doing. How much he misses Haley. Sometimes, he tells her that they'll catch who did this. His words will echo in her head then, and she'll wonder: Who did this?

JJ is too young to be her mom, really. But, if her messed-up, unconscious memory serves, JJ is a mom, and it shows. She talks softly, reassuring her that everything is okay. JJ is the only one who encourages Garcia to rest. JJ massages the back of Garcia's hand with her thumb. When she says, "I miss you," a feeling swells inside Garcia, like her heart is growing too big for her body. Like a tightness. "It's okay," JJ soothes, and presses a kiss to the back of the hand she holds. Sometimes, she falls into a song, humming under her breath. Other times, she sings full out. Garcia likes those times the best.

Emily - like an older sister, back from college - comes less frequently, but when she does come, she sends word from Morgan, who hardly comes at all. He can't, Emily says, because this is too much for him. "He can't do hospitals." This makes Garcia wonder what that means. What could one person do to a hospital anyway? Otherwise, Emily is quiet. Her touch, when it comes, is tentative, and her hand is cold. There is metal on her fingers.

And Reid...Spencer...he is Garcia's favorite, because he is sort of weird like her. He spent most of his time sitting across the room from her, like an awkward little brother. He's constantly talking and using words she can't understand. He says it's a good idea for coma patients to have stimulation as well as rest, because even though her conscious mind couldn't absorb it, the unconscious mind undoubtedly could. Today, it was a crossword puzzle from the New York Times, and he kept asking her to figure out the clues. "He played Big Daddy." "Rosary bead." "Japanese kombu ingredient."

She doesn't know the answers. But she wishes somebody would give her a clue about how to get out of this. 

* * *

Sometimes time stretches out like some kind of interminable thing. This version of time looks like blinding white walls. It is too quiet, because all the people have stopped visiting. It's scary because it never ends. And sometimes, time is like the crocodile that swallowed the clock in Peter Pan - chasing her, and devouring parts of her before she can make sense of what's happening.

When Penelope thinks about it too much, the tightness comes back inside her. She wishes for JJ, or anyone, to come and take it away, the way mothers can take away anything bad. 

* * *

It's too bright, but Garcia can't help opening her eyes. She sees faces, but doesn't recognize them.

One speaks. "Hey, Baby girl."

The voice sounds tight. Thick. But she recognizes it. Derek.

Another. "How are you feeling?"

Hotch.

"She might not be able to respond given the trauma-"

Reid.

"Hey," JJ says softly, rubbing her thumb over Garcia's hand, the same way she always has.

This one word sounds like the prettiest one Garcia has ever heard.

"Hey..." she whispers back.


	4. Cocoon

Garcia lived in a world of butterflies.

Even if something was ugly now, or hurtful, or chaotic, eventually, it would transform into something beautiful. It just might take a while.

Right now, for example, her world was repetitive, glum and depressing. She hated learning things she already knew. Hated the tests that made her feel dumb, and not worth anything.

The first time she looked at a computer, she had very nearly wept. Not because it was familiar, but because she didn't recognize it.

But even this, she knew, would pass.

Hotch still came once a week. Sometimes he brought Jack, and they watched kids' programs on TV together. Derek was here every day, telling her what was going on, and keeping her up to date on things he knew she would miss. JJ was there all the time, patiently working with her. Explaining the same concept countless times. Helping her with things she could not trust the others to help with. Emily came sometimes, and was an amazing asset, as she would not tolerate long waits for pain medication, or condescending nurses. Rossi mostly just came and read the paper, but just his presence was a comfort. And Reid mostly made her brain hurt, because he talked to her about so many things all at once. But it was a good pain, because Garcia would rather be stimulated and improve, than be stagnant and never leave.

For now, she knew, just for now, Garcia needed to stay behind. Her friends in all their brilliant colors needed to fly away to make the world a better place.

It was okay, because someday, Garcia would join them. 


	5. Skype

Time was not helping. Nothing was helping.

If Garcia were her old self, she would have counted her blessings. Even though her speech was slow and sort of halting, it was clear. She could get words out, even if it was exhausting. But that was the thing, though. She wasn't her old self, and everyone around her knew it. She wasn't witty, wasn't funny, wasn't optimistic or even dressed brightly. Getting dressed was a chore. Getting dressed was therapy. It took an hour. And where before, Garcia might have relished the opportunity to take her time, now she just wanted to hurry up.

She had been in the hospital for months. Her work family was back in the field. Her attacker had been caught, with no help from Garcia. JJ had shot him from behind, after he made his way into the BAU. There was some other tech guy at her computer, doing her job.

The familiar fingers of depression were closing around her, cutting off her oxygen - only this time she had no one - cyber space remained a complete mystery to her. When Morgan promised a Skype date from wherever the rest of them were going, Garcia cocked her head, confused, a strange tightness filling her chest.

_Actually, we'll take a table in the back...Actually, I drink red...Trust me, you'll love it...Do you believe everything happens for a reason...Hey, Garcia...I've been thinking about doing this all night..._

The memories came without any warning, but instead, she just pretended that Morgan's terminology had not thrown her at all.

She smiled, like she would have, had things been different. Had she listened to him.

"Sounds great," she said. 

* * *

When she got out of the regular hospital and the rehab hospital, it was almost worse. Because her friends went to work every day, and she was stuck at home, in a place that she kind of hated.

Her phone rang, and she had to search for it.

The letters on its little screen, and the song - something she vaguely recognized from the 70s - made no sense to her. Neither were the clues they should have been to who was calling her. She picked up the phone and waited, not sure what to say when she had no idea who was at the other end of the line.

There was a pause so long she nearly hung up, and then a voice.

"Garcia?"

"Yeah?" she asked, sitting on the couch and tucking her legs beneath her.

"Baby girl, where are you?"

"Home."

"I know that, smarty pants. Why aren't you on Skype with me then?" Derek asked.

"I wasn't...trying to be smart..." she objected.

"Garcia?" he asked, concern in his voice.

"Let's just forget it, okay? You're busy, and I'm not who you want..."

There was a pause so long that Garcia almost hung up on him, but then he spoke, sounding more serious than she ever remembered.

"Now, look here, woman. You are Penelope Garcia, who I love very much. That's all that matters. Are you changed by this? Yes. I'd be lying if I said otherwise, but you're still _you_, Garcia. You're still sensitive and sweet and giving and...absolutely everything I need in a friend," Derek waited, expecting her to fill the silence.

"I'm doubting everything..." Garcia said, feeling empty inside.

"Well, I love you beyond a reasonable doubt. Now, _what_ is wrong?" he asked softly.

Garcia sniffled, trying not to make it sound like she was crying. Instead of overwhelming him with her millions of questions, Garcia settled on the one that seemed the most pressing.

"What's Skype?" she asked weakly.

"It's this really amazing technology where you can talk to people and see their faces, even if they're far away, like we are," Derek explained easily, not missing a beat.

She loved him for that.

"I'm not my usual tech-savvy self..." she hesitated.

"Hey, don't worry. Is your laptop on?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I'll just get Kevin to sign you in and connect to me. When you see my face, just say hello."

And in seconds, it happened.

Derek's face filled her screen, lifting her heart and her mood, and everything. It wasn't one-hundred percent, by any stretch, but it was tolerable.

And right now, tolerable was a miracle.

"Hey, love..." he greeted.

"Hey," she returned, smiling.


	6. Truth Be Told

**Fill for CM Prompt Meme: Garcia reveals the truth behind her parents' death: they were out looking for her.**

It's November 14th, 2008.

It's been a year since someone shot her.

It takes a long time for the haze to lift completely. For things to begin sounding familiar again. There is one thing that remains a complete mystery to Garcia, and that is what in the world happened? Who did this to her? Why? Were they still a threat? These things have all been explained in bits and pieces, and probably, more than once, but Garcia finds she has a much harder time retaining information, especially if it was given to her while she was hospitalized.

Things are getting easier, little by little. JJ is over quite a bit and Emily a little less. Still, they do their best to be here, while Morgan, Hotch, Reid and Rossi are more distant, preferring to text it out or communicate via Skype, which, she is proud to say, she has completely figured out.

She is fine with them giving her space, as long as Em and JJ stay close. She can't do this alone, and thankfully, they seem to get that.

Today, she can think of no better way to pass the hours than to sit with Emily and JJ, and brand new baby, Henry. He is perfect and he reminds Garcia of all the good that remains in the world.

They are adoring him, and so is she until her mind begins to wander. Until she begins to think about the blank space November 14th has become in her memory.

"Do you have a picture of him?" she asks suddenly.

"Of who?" JJ asks, confused.

"Of the guy…from last year…" she refuses to say the guy who shot her. That just sounds too weird, since she does not remember it happening.

"Garcia… Are you sure you want to do this?" Emily asks, already walking to Garcia's computer and typing something into a search engine. This very thing used to be second nature to Garcia, but it's not anymore. It's something she has to think about and concentrate on. Her typing skills have returned. Her hacking skills somehow, never left.

"Positive," Garcia reassures, nodding.

When the image is before her, Garcia finds she can't breathe. She knows with some sixth sense that she has seen this man before. She knows he looks familiar and not just because he pulled a gun on her.

Just like that, Garcia remembers sitting in the darkness of her office, days before he shot her. Most of the recollection is fuzzy and ill defined, but she can see clearly the arrest report picturing a 16-year-old Jason Battle, questioned at the scene of her parents' accident on May 23, 1995. He failed the sobriety test, but not by much. No lasting charges were ever filed because Garcia had been too much of a mess to pursue a court case.

"He's the one who killed my parents," she says, over the sound of blood rushing in her ears.

* * *

Over the next hour, JJ and Emily listen, as she tells what she has never once spoken aloud. Not to her support group. Not to Kevin, her current squeeze. No one.

"I was out really late…again… I thought that because I was almost done with my senior year and eighteen…you know…that rules didn't apply. My parents thought differently. I knew if I got caught there'd be major trouble. So, I sneaked in the house and it was like, 3 AM. I totally expected my mom to hear me and catch me in the act. She always did. But I didn't hear anything. Next thing I knew, there were cops in the driveway, telling me my parents were driving down the exact same road I was just on to come home… They were searching for me. I probably passed the accident on the way home, but I honestly don't remember seeing it… I remember they picked some kid up for it at the scene. He was barely old enough to have his license. I saw him at the hospital where they took my parents. He was a little cut up and totally distraught. I was in shock. But I…I begged them to let him go. To not pursue charges beyond what they had to. Two lives ruined was enough. This was my fault, not his…"

"Garcia…oh God…" JJ breathes.

Tears are streaming down her cheeks. JJ is beside her - somehow holding Garcia's hand and holding her baby at the same time. Emily is crouching in front of her.

"No wonder you were so set on making charges stick last year…" Emily muses.

Garcia shakes her head. She doesn't understand. She doesn't remember wanting anything other than for everything to go away then. And as far as last year goes, she can't remember anything from that night.

The furtive glances JJ and Emily are exchanging though, are totally ringing Garcia's bell. She involved them in something. Asked for their help in confidence and she has no doubt that they gave it.

That even now, a year later, they have not broken their word.

From all sides, Garcia is embraced. They don't say, "It's not your fault." They don't, because they know she won't believe it. Instead, they hold her. Instead, they sit with her and with this new truth.

"He can't hurt you anymore," JJ whispers. Her voice is heavy with sadness. She is crying, too.

Garcia can't speak.

"Parents never stop loving their children," Emily says softly, confiding a secret of her own, without revealing anything of consequence. Still, the truth is there - a kind of grief in her eyes. It's familiar. She sees it in JJ's gaze, too, and she knows they see it mirrored back to them in her own eyes.

Garcia takes a deep breath, and with it, gathers her resolve. They might not have been there for each other in their own losses, but Garcia feels sure that they can come back from them…if they stay together.


End file.
